Jolly Good Night My Dear Old Self, Jolly Good

You know you had a good night when a friend is jumping your car at midnight after driving you back from a giant women oriented slumber party where you met a man in drag, ate penis chocolate, bought a perverted shirt, drank, danced like crazy, and txted a friend to force him to start singing Don't Stop Believing with you that spanned into face caterpillars and my inability to be a craycray latino for I have no ass. More tomorrow... err... later today, it's now 2am and I just got home maybe twenty minutes ago, so I'mma peace out now!

Driving In A Winter Wond... Why Would You DO That?!

I know I've had a few rants about road rage, but with winter on it's, hopefully soon, way out I'd like to express my displeasure with the fact that winter makes people extra drive stupid. I'm going to re-cap one of my morning drives to work. First, I work roughly forty-five minutes to an hour away from where I live, and in-order to get to work I have to take the main highway of 481. Which is usually not an issue until the winter comes and ruins common sense for all. Between me and work there are varying levels of snow plow negligence I have to coast through. There is Fulton... and I don't think they plow... EVER. But either way driving in the winter sucks. On this particular morning there was a weather warning but it was all clear at my house, and when I called work they were fine too. So I shoveled off my car, my landlord plowed me out and off to work I went. I got to Fulton and regretted my choices that morning. But I was going to go to work because I shoveled my car... I was going to freakin' work. By the time I hit the wonder of a two lane highway my speed was reduced to fifteen miles an hour, very much slower than the sixty-five miles an hour speed limit, and passed five cars in the ditch. Courtesy of my slow speed I was able to get a good look at these poor unfortunates. One of which was an angry man in a suit in a beautiful car. This guy, I laughed at. In the summer I pass this guy with my lowly 2003 car while going the speed limit. Then in the winter, it's like some switch is clicked and, WHAM, he's forgotten how to drive and suddenly wants to be the next big stunt man! Here is a tip: If you are sliding on the road, don't start moving your car around like your trying to play that snake game where you have to move rapidly while avoiding the walls and your growing tail. You are going to worsen your situation. And for goodness sakes don't slam on your breaks, I know it's a common response, but don't do it. It wont help you, your car is out of control, you'll make it worse. And for the love of all things, if your nervous about driving in the winter, stay home. Do us all a favor. You make dumb choices when your nervous and you can seriously hurt someone. I don't want to be anywhere near you. Just stay home until winter is over or learn to drive in it.

Anyway, I'm going down this highway at a crawl, which is perfectly fine, the roads are shit and there are a bunch of other cars going the same speed. There is literally one lane to go down anyway because the fast lane is still covered in so much snow you can't tell where it is and the ditch starts... you can of course see the deep tracks from the cars currently in the ditch because they tried to use the fast lane in their haste. I laughed at them, because, they deserve it. Unfortunately for me there is a big tractor trailer a car behind me that doesn't like the slow speed. He keeps trying to get in the fast lane but can't quite make it all the way over, so when he speeds up he is still too close to the car behind me which in turn makes them super nervous so they speed up and almost succeed in becoming one with my car. The tractor trailer does this three times before giving up. If you're going to drive a giant vehicle that can potentially be the most lethal thing to a lot of people, you should be more cautious than anyone else on the damn road. You should be the embodiment of all things good driving. So I've got Optimus Prime a car down from me on an obviously important mission and mister driving challenged behind me. And have now passed a total of nine cars that have good off the road. It was great. By the time the roads clear just a little, Optimus has decided he's had enough and all others be damned he's going and shoots into the fast lane. He still can't get completely over so the car behind me is moving closer to the shoulder to avoid him, and me, I stay put. I don't care if he has to go save the world from a decepticon, I'm not moving. I am not swerving and loosing control of my car so he can be on time to rescue Megan Fox and Witwicky. If I'm getting in an accident it's because he hit me, not because I'm getting out of his way. I want him to pay for my bills and my student loans and my new car.

Finally, by the end, the roads are super clear and I can finally go the speed limit... only to be trapped by people that want to go forty-five. At which case, if any of them looked into their rear view mirrors they would see an angry woman in a silver car screaming. And they may have been able to hear the symphony of swear words and the long over used phrase "learn to drive!" drifting towards them.

David Of The Blog

So I was checking out the regions that read my blog, and it's the United States and Germany. I am the bad blogging version of David Hasselhoff.

Some Nights Are Worth The Pounds

I  think I just depression/stress/frustration ate myself out of all the chocolate in the house and out of my diet.

I Hate The Word 'Understand'

Not really, but kinda I really do. It depends on how it's being used, but I have a moderate hate for that word. I'll tell you why, like you had any doubt I would. A lot of people say 'I understand' when your explaining how you feel or what's happening to you, I've even done it, because on some level for some things you can get a basic understanding of what someone is going through, especially if you've had a similar experience. However, you can't understand all situations, you just bloody well can't. For instance, say someone has some mental disease, and that makes their emotions and thoughts rather irrational. Things you consider small take on a more important role to them.  You can't understand that. You can kinda grasp what they're saying, but you're not going to understand it. Their emotions are being irrational, you're not thinking irrational, therefore your not going to understand. Telling someone you understand and then trying to tell them what you think about the situation and what they should do in no way helps. It's going to piss a lot of them off or just make them further upset. It's honestly okay to acknowledge you don't understand. Or at least in my case. I know you don't understand. And that is truly okay. I will react better and respect you better if you tell me you don't understand. Telling me you do when you don't is patronizing to something I've spent years dealing with and learning to understand myself, you can't understand it in five minutes or even five days. I don't tell you 'I understand' as you describe to me how you feel about your mother's death, I wouldn't understand, my mother is alive and she will live forever. I can maybe imagine it, but I wont know how it feels until it actually happens... which it wont... because like I said she'll live forever.


P.S. - I'm actually writing a book, and there is a chapter devoted to this.

I Have Returned!

And to signal my return I present you with this:

Tumblr's at it again - Imgur